Lacking Maternal Instinct

Nic: So, last night I went to bed at 11 PM. As I was getting into bed, I went to my computer desk to get my cell phone. It wasn't there. I start looking around for it. After 15 minutes I gave up, assuming it fell out of my pocket in your car. So, I began to look through boxes to find my alarm clock. I gave up around 11:45 PM. Then I realized… I left my phone at the studio.

Richard: Not only did you leave your phone at the studio, [Bassist], [Drummer], and I saw you leave it and grabbed it and ripped it into three pieces and ate it.

Nic: Really, that makes sense... how it was there in one piece when I went to get it at midnight.

Richard: Lots of laxatives and tiny tools for reassembly.

Nic: I did see three hookers on our street. [Drummer] would have loved them. He also would have contracted AIDS and died.

Richard: Were the hookers killing their customers after giving them AIDS?

Nic: I don’t know. I left after their customers got AIDS. It wasn't interesting after that. AIDS is kind of the climax of entertainment.

Richard: You’ve obviously never witnessed hooker post-sex rage.

Nic: I thought that was pacified by an offering of money.

Richard: You don’t seriously believe that, do you?

Nic: That’s the legend that’s been passed down by movies and television. I guess that’s just Hollywood for you. I just thought if anyone knew hookers, it would be Hollywood.

Richard: Hollywood does know hookers. It’s true. It’s all true.

Nic: I KNEW IT!!! YOU WERE RIGHT, MOM!!!

Richard: For the last time, I’m not your mom.

Nic: It hurts every time you say that.

Richard: I’m not your mom.