Inexorable Inquiry #4

What's the worst thing you've done for a Klondike bar?

Language Barriers

Richard: Joka'

Nic: I don't understand...

Richard: Joka'!!!

Nic: I don't understand, but more urgently!!!

Richard: [sulks in defeat and speaks in a small, whiny voice] Joker. I was saying joker.

Inexorable Inquiry #3

What would you do with rabies?

Nerves Are the Pits

The Scene: At church, Nic and Richard are in a small group sitting in a circle. Nic is sitting in between a girl he doesn't know and Richard.

Preacher: Everyone hold hands with the people in your group.

[Richard turns to the girl beside him and reaches for both of her hands, while Nic reaches out his right hand to the middle of the circle. The girl stares blankly at Richard and he quickly turns back. Everyone stares blankly at Nic and he pulls his hand back.]

Girl: [Giggles and whispers to Nic] Aaannd break, go team!

[Nic chuckles then proceeds to hold her hand and Richard's hand as per heterosexual instructions.]

Preacher: [Politely makes demands of God] ...in Jesus name, Amen.

[Nic leans over to the girl next to him and speaks loud enough for the group to hear.]

Nic: Sorry my hand was so sweaty.

Girl: Oh no, it--

Nic: If it makes you feel better, it's from my armpit.

Richard: What?

Inexorable Inquiry #2

Where do baby storks come from?

Huge Birds

Richard: So bad news... I accidentally grabbed a clown suit this morning instead of the suit I'm supposed to wear. I'm so embarrassed... well, someone will be.

Nic: Are you sure people will notice a difference?

Richard: Did I mention this clown suit actually looks like a giant middle finger?

Nic: How is that different than the suit you planned on wearing? Wait... is it a giant middle finger or a giant penis?

Richard: Regardless of the similarities, Nic, I'm fairly certain I can distinguish between giant middle fingers and giant penises. For one, giant penises are always black.

Introducing... Inexorable Inquiries

We Like Hugs is proud to announce a new edition to our site. In response to the positive response to our site, we're responding with a new way to respond with responses. In addition to daily posts in the life of Nic and Richard, we will now be providing a daily question for honest ponder. We realize our followers have opinions of their own and would like to provide a platform in which we can ignore them all equally. So brace yourself for a new direction and don't hold back.

Inexorable Inquiry #1:

If your sphincter could talk (you know which one), what would it say?

How Posts Are Born

[The following conversation is actual spoken dialog.]

The Scene: Nic and Richard are sitting in their kitchen. There is a lull in the conversation.

Richard: Point!

Nic: Counterpoint!

Richard: Rebuttal!

Nic: Something funny!

Richard: Mock Nic!

Nic: Something funnier!

Richard: Mock Nic more!

Nic: Clever twist!

Richard: Post blog!

Nic: Emptiness and disappointment...

Richard: Pity...

Nic: Mock Richard, "I tricked you!"

Richard: Surprise!

Nic: Edit post!

Reverse Psychology

Richard: Why have you been so quiet all day?

Nic: Just trying to get some attention.

Compelling 101

Preacher: There are 5 ways to compel people!

[Nic turns to Richard as Richard turns to Nic]

Nic: Hypno-

Richard: Rohypnol

Nic: Dang it... that totally beats hypnosis.

Friend: Did Richard say blow jobs?

Richard: Well, we know what three of them are.

Cultural Orgasm

Preacher: Dear Lord, heavenly Father. We ask you today to remind us of your presence in our lives. That you are striving to reach to us constantly. Help remember that it was you, God, who sent the first Twitter.

Guy in the back: Mmmmm

Preacher: That you, Lord, were the first blogger. The original facebooker who sent His Son to make the first super poke in history.

Guy in the back: Mmmm yeah.

Preacher: As we go through life we must remember that this isn't MySpace, it's God's space.

Guy in the back: Yes! mmmhhmmm

Preacher: Help to remind us, Lord, that when we are out cruisin' the internet, to take a break and read one of God's posts on the message board of The Bible.

Guy in the back: Oh, YES!

Preacher: It's in your most holy name that we pray, Amen.

Richard: Well, that was culturally relevant.

Nic: The guy in the back getting a blow job?

What Love Means to a Woman

The Scene: Working at a video rental store.

Richard: Uh oh... there's a girl coming over here... what do I do?

Nic: Wow, she's really cute too. You go help her check out and I'll check in these movies.

[Richard proceeds to help her check out. Towards the end of the transaction she looks over at Nic.]

Customer: I really like your hair.

Nic: Thanks, I grow it myself.

Customer: I bet you get a lot of girls because of your hair.

Nic: Umm.... no... not at all.

Customer: Oh, really. I'm only with my boyfriend because of his hair.

Nic: Poor bastard...

[She leaves without saying another word]

Richard: Well that went well...

Almonds

Nic: What are you doing?

Richard: Just trying to keep my prostate small.

Occupied

Co-worker: Hey guys.

Nic: Hey.

Richard: Hey.

Co-worker: What are you doing?

Nic: Nothing.

Richard: Nothing.

Co-worker: Haha

Richard: It's too bad that won't translate on the blog.

Nic: We could just do it anyway.

Yellow Tape

Nic: Grow a pair of balls and just do it.

Richard: But balls can be so uncomfortable and get in the way.

Nic: Make some balls out of Play-Doh.

Richard: I love the smell of Play-Doh!

Nic: I'm always tempted to eat it.

Richard: There is a line. Please don't cross it again.

Taco Tango

The Scene: Standing outside Taco Bell

Richard: Well let's go in and see if I can squeeze out some Tacos.

Nic: Sorry, I totally wasn't thinking about food when you said that.

Paper Hats

Richard: Did you hear [co-worker] say "Yesterday I felt like crap..... it was because of that" and point to his paper hat on the shelf above his desk?

Nic: Is it cursed?

Richard: I don't know but I'm a little concerned about mine now.

Nic: I think it's only his... but I'd sleep with one eye open.

Richard: What should I do with the other eye?

Nic: Eye patch

Richard: That'll work.

Wayward Thoughts

The Scene: Nic, Richard, and Friend are eating dinner after class.

Friend: [discussing his ideas of how the class went, what could have been better, etc.]

What do you think Nic?

Nic: Oh dude, I'm sorry, I was totally thinking about dinosaurs just then, what?

Richard: Weird, I was thinking about dragons.

Nic: Wow... You ARE weird.

The Slow Elevator

[Nic and Richard get on an elevator heading down from the 28th floor. The elevator stops on the 25th floor, a man gets on and stares at his feet.]

Man: How are you guys?

Richard: Pretty well.

Nic: Fine, how are you?

Man: Oh I'm pretty good. Think I'm coming down with a cold.

Richard: That sucks, hope you get to feeling better.

Nic: Yeah, I had one of those last week, sucks man, sorry.

[There is a short pause after which the man looks up and stares directly into Nic's eyes.]

Man: So, what... you just like... grow out your beard?

Richard: Well, that and his arms.

Nic: Well, I mean...I have to water it sometimes.

[Man looks back down at his feet and we go the rest of the way to the lobby in silence. We get off and the man walks the opposite direction.]

Richard: I can't believe you lied to him about having a cold.

Magic Numbers

Nic: So I've been reading this book called Kryon. In it Kryon says that he knows a very important formula for the transmutation of energy.

Are you ready for it?

"9944"

Richard: "9945"

Nic: No...that number has nothing to do with the transmutation of energy.

Richard: "9946"

Nic: You ruin magic!

Richard: "9947"

Nic: "9948"

Richard: "4499"

Nic: D*** you!!!

Formulaic Success

Nic: I can't make it this weekend.

Richard: Looks like my Friday night just freed up.

Co-worker: We gonna pick up chicks then?

Richard: We can try.

Co-worker: No, we will succeed.

Richard: I don't know. I'm pretty darn good at quitting.

Rated "G" No Adults without Child Supervision.

Richard: Got any plans this weekend?

Nic: Not really. I just rented "Horton Hears a Who." I'll probably watch that this weekend.

Co-Worker: [disgusted] I can't believe you are going to watch that movie!

Richard: Is it not very good?

Co-Worker: I don't know! I didn't watch it!

Nic: Why not?

Co-Worker: It's for kids! It's inappropriate!

Nic: Inappropriate?!? What the hell do you do when you watch movies?

Sitting Failure

The Scene: Richard is in the break room at work peeling an orange over the trashcan as Nic enters.

Nic: Why don't you have a seat?

Richard: In the trash can?

Nic: Turn it over first.

Richard: Oh... yeah... that would make more sense.

Don't Talk to Strangers, part 2

The Scene: Richard and Nic went to the movies with two girls, one of their boyfriends, and his friend. They have not previously met either of these guys. After the movies they all go to a coffee shop. Nic sits down with his cookies and milk to join in the conversation. Richard sits at the table next to everyone with crayons and a coloring book.

Idiot 1: Yeah, now I use this protein powder. It's totally beefed me up. My bench has increased by 40 lbs.

Idiot 2: Man, I've been using that protein powder, too, but I take it with [pill]. It's awesome, check it out. [flexes muscle]

Idiot 1: Whoa man, that's nice. Yeah, I used to inject that ****. What are you benching nowadays?

Idiot 2: [Insert ridiculous lie]

Nic: I have to inject estrogen into my heart to stay mortal.

[Richard stops coloring and looks up, suddenly interested in the conversation.]

Idiot 2: Yeah, I can tell by your huge pussy. [points at Nic's crotch]

[Nic's eyes get really wide. Pure amazement and wonder show on his face.]

Nic: Whoa! [Pill] gives you X-ray vision too?

[Richard goes back to coloring.]

Easily Amused

Nic: Hah, She just said boobies.

Richard: She said movies...

Nic: No, she said boobies, and it was much appreciated.

Richard: Either way, I'd watch.

Raising Awareness

Unlike the barbarians populating the rest of this planet, We Like Hugs takes the first of April very seriously. Most see this day as a day to let loose, relax, and have fun, but We Like Hugs sees it as an unavoidable opportunity. In the midst of endless jokes and pranks, that which is serious stands far taller and speaks much louder than on any other day. The obligation to utilize this advantageous anniversary is undeniable and irresistible. Therefore, We Like Hugs would like to use this open door to raise awareness of the depressing realization that women aren't funny. Thus, We Like Hugs invites our community to indulge us in what can be done about it or simply to join in our expression of concern. While a discussion is in line here, do not limit yourself. Don't be afraid to spread awareness out from this site. Together we can make a difference.