He Meant Oprah

Nic: [co-worker] and [coworker] are talking about the easiest routes to get to the stadium for the game. I asked if they have tried teleportation…

Apparently that didn’t warrant a response.

Richard: They’re upset they didn’t think of it. Not that they didn’t think of it first, but simply that they didn’t think of it at all.

Nic: It’s the simplest solutions that people seem to miss.

Richard: Like bashing your woman’s face into the dash of your car in public.

Nic: Or apologizing on Opera for it.

Richard: Like with Pavarotti?

Nic: Oh I don’t know, I’m not really into pasta.

Richard: Well, let me tell you what I’ve been hearing…. Pasta’s way into you.

Nic: I know. And I’m starting to feel smothered. I mean I can only take so much cheesiness.

Richard: Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you’d stop storing it in your orifices.

Nic: Where the hell else am I supposed to put it???

Richard: It’s not that there are better places, you just need to clean it out and stop letting it build up.

Nic: It's affecting my love life.

Richard: No it's not.